It Didn’t *Make* Me Stronger (& Saying That It Did Insults the People Who Didn’t Survive)
I’d walk and think about my entire life. I’d find my strength again, far from everything that had made my life ridiculous. Cheryl Strayed I wasn’t weak when I met x and then I left him and became strong. I wasn’t strong when I met x and then weakened by him and then when I…
Ten Years Ago ~ The Day That Could Have Been My Ruin
It is coming down the mountain, fear that holds you like the cold,It wants to settle in your footprints, keep you still from where you’re goingAll you think you know of losing, all you doubt of innocence,The big sky still hangs above you. Every day just want to quit.There’s no light you see to guide…
Pretty, But the R is Silent ~ You Can’t Petty Me Anymore
Petty. It’s a word abuse victims have had lobbed at them too many times to count. For years, we hear it from our abuser. Why are you so petty? Are you really going to be that petty and make a big deal about this? Don’t be petty. My ex-wife was always so damn petty -…
Dear Gentle Parenting Groups, Why Are You Silent on Reunification Camps?
I came into parenthood already believing that children were full-fledged humans with the right to be treated with respect and dignity, but I did used to think that my job would involve a lot more molding and forming than I do now. Pretty early on in my parenting journey, I was faced with a tiny…
Nobody Puts ‘Trauma Coping Skills’ on Their Baby Shower Gift Registry
Today I had to reply to a message from V’s second grade teacher to explain that shutting down and going nonverbal is a common trauma response and not defiance. Then I started reminiscing about how when I was eight months pregnant, I would rub my belly and daydream about all the coping skills my child…
Love & Hope Day
“Hope” is the thing with feathers -That perches in the soul -And sings the tune without the words -And never stops – at all – And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard -And sore must be the storm -That could abash the little BirdThat kept so many warm – I’ve heard it in…
What Must Be Mourned ~ One Year Court-Free, Finding Acceptance and Change
Lord forgive me, I’ve been running running blind in truthI’ma rain, I’ma rain on this bitter loveTell the sweet I’m new Beyonce, Freedom No longing for the moonlightNo longing for the sunNo longer will I curse the bad I’ve doneIf there’s a time when the feelings gone, I want to feel it. The Kills, Future…
Making Plans Instead of Having Nightmares
Yesterday was Father’s Day and it’s the second one since visitations were suspended. Since ending it with x, and seeing the damage he is not only capable of, but thrives on, Father’s Day is a day of guilt for me. Or, more accurately, a day of me battling mama-guilt that isn’t really mine to carry…
Trauma Tumor: Cut This Out of Me, Please.
To live in the body of a survivor is to never be able to leave the scene of the crime. I cannot ignore the fact that I live here. Blythe Baird PTSD is a whole-body tragedy, an integral human event of enormous proportions with massive repercussions.Susan Pease Banitt Three months ago I was diagnosed with…
Why We Stay on the Bus: On Cognitive Dissonance, Paralysis and All Those Words That Just Aren’t Enough.
Let’s just breeze past the fact that the first (or even the tenth) question anyone gets after leaving abuse shouldn’t be ‘why didn’t you leave sooner?’ because, for now, it’s what we hear over and over and over. It’s the mantra when any story even similar to what we’ve lived hits the news. It’s not…
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Life After Emotional Abuse 