Author Archives: UnGastheLight

Dark Days, Darker Nights

Let me love the world like a mother.Let me be tender when it lets me down. Maggie Smith / from the poem “Rain, New Year’s Eve”. Last weekend, Mother’s Day weekend, a Utah mother got the news we’ve all lived in fear of (but probably haven’t voiced out loud to more than our closest friends).Continue reading “Dark Days, Darker Nights”

Mother’s Day #50: On Being Both Mother and Daughter

I am a reflection of my mother’s secret poetry as well as of her hidden angers. Audre Lorde Being a mother is a hard thing. So is being a daughter. My mother stopped talking to me the year I turned 26. I fell in love with a woman and after a year of accommodating myContinue reading “Mother’s Day #50: On Being Both Mother and Daughter”

‘She’ll Just Go Back to Him’ ~ Desperation, Safety, & Survival Calculations

This is not how your story ends. It’s simply where it takes a turn you didn’t expect. Cheryl Strayed Today I read a post, in one of the private groups I’m in, by a member who posted anonymously about being in the situation with the abusive ex of trying to reconcile, while already in courtContinue reading “‘She’ll Just Go Back to Him’ ~ Desperation, Safety, & Survival Calculations”

It Didn’t *Make* Me Stronger (& Saying That It Did Insults the People Who Didn’t Survive)

I’d walk and think about my entire life. I’d find my strength again, far from everything that had made my life ridiculous. Cheryl Strayed I wasn’t weak when I met x and then I left him and became strong. I wasn’t strong when I met x and then weakened by him and then when IContinue reading “It Didn’t *Make* Me Stronger (& Saying That It Did Insults the People Who Didn’t Survive)”

Ten Years Ago ~ The Day That Could Have Been My Ruin

It is coming down the mountain, fear that holds you like the cold,It wants to settle in your footprints, keep you still from where you’re goingAll you think you know of losing, all you doubt of innocence,The big sky still hangs above you. Every day just want to quit.There’s no light you see to guideContinue reading “Ten Years Ago ~ The Day That Could Have Been My Ruin”

Pretty, But the R is Silent ~ You Can’t Petty Me Anymore

Petty. It’s a word abuse victims have had lobbed at them too many times to count. For years, we hear it from our abuser. Why are you so petty? Are you really going to be that petty and make a big deal about this? Don’t be petty. My ex-wife was always so damn petty –Continue reading “Pretty, But the R is Silent ~ You Can’t Petty Me Anymore”

Dear Gentle Parenting Groups, Why Are You Silent on Reunification Camps?

I came into parenthood already believing that children were full-fledged humans with the right to be treated with respect and dignity, but I did used to think that my job would involve a lot more molding and forming than I do now. Pretty early on in my parenting journey, I was faced with a tinyContinue reading “Dear Gentle Parenting Groups, Why Are You Silent on Reunification Camps?”

Nobody Puts ‘Trauma Coping Skills’ on Their Baby Shower Gift Registry

Today I had to reply to a message from V’s second grade teacher to explain that shutting down and going nonverbal is a common trauma response and not defiance. Then I started reminiscing about how when I was eight months pregnant, I would rub my belly and daydream about all the coping skills my childContinue reading “Nobody Puts ‘Trauma Coping Skills’ on Their Baby Shower Gift Registry”

What Must Be Mourned ~ One Year Court-Free, Finding Acceptance and Change

Lord forgive me, I’ve been running running blind in truthI’ma rain, I’ma rain on this bitter loveTell the sweet I’m new Beyonce, Freedom No longing for the moonlightNo longing for the sunNo longer will I curse the bad I’ve doneIf there’s a time when the feelings gone, I want to feel it. The Kills, FutureContinue reading “What Must Be Mourned ~ One Year Court-Free, Finding Acceptance and Change”