One year ago today x filed an emergency ex parte claiming I was neglecting our daughter. I didn’t know it until days later, though. Until sometime the week after. It had already been denied by the time I found out about it and he had already refiled a regular motion. One year and two daysContinue reading “One Year Ago: The Boy Who Cried Neglect”
Category Archives: Trying to Make Sense
The Only Way Through is Out.
Everything is gestation and then birthing. Rainer Maria Rilke I was 41 years, five months and 26 days old when I gave birth to my daughter. When I decided, after two decades of being childless by choice, that I was going to see if I could be with child by choice, I was old enoughContinue reading “The Only Way Through is Out.”
She’s Not Guilty, Your Honor
I have a lot of conversations in my head. I guess most people do, but I think those of us newly out of an abusive relationship have more than we ever have had before in our lives. The harshness of the smear campaigns means we have a lot to say and that saying it willContinue reading “She’s Not Guilty, Your Honor”
Not Afraid (but still terrified)
I wasn’t afraid of the bulliesand that just made the bullies worse. – Fiona Apple, “Shameika” {As I work through a new post about the newest uptick in intimidation and harassment, I was reminded of this post from 4/28/2020 on my personal blog.Continue reading “Not Afraid (but still terrified)”
One Decade, Three Women
Ten years ago tomorrow, I stood, alone, in the kitchen of a man I thought I loved, after he’d already left for work, and looked around and took one deep, deep breath that I exhaled in several short bursts and said, out loud up toward the ceiling of his tiny, perfect little house: I can’tContinue reading “One Decade, Three Women”
Dissonance (& creating space for harmony).
Mama, can I ask you something? It was less than an hour after she got home from an overnight with x. That means it could be anything. Really: anything. The only sure thing is it would almost certainly involve something untrue about me. Sometimes she doesn’t ask until hours later. Or even a day orContinue reading “Dissonance (& creating space for harmony).”
Gratitude
A few days after Thanksgiving last year, I sat in my car, rain pounding on the windshield and my four year old daughter in the backseat, holding my phone to my ear as I explained to a police officer over the phone why the complaint that x was filing at the precinct right then wasContinue reading “Gratitude”
Digging Graves & Leaving a Life of Lifeboats
A memory came up on social media today from four years ago – from deep in the worst year of my relationship. The year where I dug up so, so many betrayals and yet – still – tried to figure out a way to keep the ship of family afloat. I had a toddler barelyContinue reading “Digging Graves & Leaving a Life of Lifeboats”
Thank You for Not Ghosting Me
As I weather an uptick in post-separation abuse, I have again started leaning heavily on my closest friends. I thought it was a good time to bring over this post from February, when I was still muddled and clawing my way out of the fog and became so very aware of how lucky I haveContinue reading “Thank You for Not Ghosting Me”
Day 366
On Day One, I swung myself out of bed around 5am after not sleeping at all. My eyes were puffy and sore and I had cried, on and off, all night. I knew I had the task of telling my child that Daddy wouldn’t be in our house at all anymore. I knew I hadContinue reading “Day 366”
