Yesterday was Father’s Day and it’s the second one since visitations were suspended. Since ending it with x, and seeing the damage he is not only capable of, but thrives on, Father’s Day is a day of guilt for me. Or, more accurately, a day of me battling mama-guilt that isn’t really mine to carryContinue reading “Making Plans Instead of Having Nightmares”
Category Archives: Trying to Make Sense
Trauma Tumor: Cut This Out of Me, Please.
To live in the body of a survivor is to never be able to leave the scene of the crime. I cannot ignore the fact that I live here. Blythe Baird PTSD is a whole-body tragedy, an integral human event of enormous proportions with massive repercussions. Susan Pease Banitt Three months ago I was diagnosedContinue reading “Trauma Tumor: Cut This Out of Me, Please.”
Why We Stay on the Bus: On Cognitive Dissonance, Paralysis and All Those Words That Just Aren’t Enough.
Let’s just breeze past the fact that the first (or even the tenth) question anyone gets after leaving abuse shouldn’t be ‘why didn’t you leave sooner?’ because, for now, it’s what we hear over and over and over. It’s the mantra when any story even similar to what we’ve lived hits the news. It’s notContinue reading “Why We Stay on the Bus: On Cognitive Dissonance, Paralysis and All Those Words That Just Aren’t Enough.”
Mad, Sad and Sick to My Stomach: These Deaths are Preventable So We Need to Stop Letting Children Die
We have a crisis, why is no one listening? Tina Swithin, One Mom’s Battle Last night there was breaking news about three children and an adult being shot and killed in a church in Sacramento before the shooter killed himself. The little bit of info (& every headline) made it clear that these children wereContinue reading “Mad, Sad and Sick to My Stomach: These Deaths are Preventable So We Need to Stop Letting Children Die”
There May Be 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover ~ But Shame is One of the Ways Abusers Get Us to ‘Stay’
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change. Brené Brown You changed my lifeWe were as green as grassAnd I was hypnotizedFrom the first til the lastKiss of shame, shame, shame PJ Harvey, Shame I was standing at the bottom of the stairs, just outside of view of theContinue reading “There May Be 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover ~ But Shame is One of the Ways Abusers Get Us to ‘Stay’”
Day 731: It *is* Still Sad, Of Course I Know That.
Three weeks before the second anniversary of what I am now calling Love and Hope Day – my first day intentionally free from abuse in my own home – x no showed to court and my life suddenly became my own and my child was given the gift of an indefinite amount of time toContinue reading “Day 731: It *is* Still Sad, Of Course I Know That.”
First Grade First Day & Hearing Ten
And when the storm’s out, you run in the rain Put your sword down, dive right into the pain Stay unfiltered and loud, you’ll be proud of that skin full of scars All I Know So Far, Pink It was controlled chaos. Hundreds of kids supposed to filter into one gate and it took twentyContinue reading “First Grade First Day & Hearing Ten”
My Mom May Be ‘Crazy’ ~ But It Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Does
The cloudslike my Grandmothercarry a loadthey can no longersupport “Summer Storms” by Nikki Giovanni I got one of those calls this week. The ones that seem innocuous and then you find out she’s off her meds again. It’s been a while. A long while. As far as I know. She’s doing some real crazy stuff.Continue reading “My Mom May Be ‘Crazy’ ~ But It Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Does”
There is No ‘Both Sides’: Sometimes We Have to Be Reminded Why Cutting Ties with Mutual Friends is One of the Necessary Pains of Healing
The poison leaves bit by bit, not all at once.Be patient. You are healing. Yasmin Mogahed It started over a picture of cupcakes. Lined up in cute little rows in front of a birthday sign I made. For x’s birthday party. Well, one of three birthday parties I threw him that year for his 50th.Continue reading “There is No ‘Both Sides’: Sometimes We Have to Be Reminded Why Cutting Ties with Mutual Friends is One of the Necessary Pains of Healing”
To the Woman Who Met Me on One of My Very Worst Days
It was my daughter’s very first time at the beach. It should have been a beautiful day. Looking in from the outside, it was: sunshine and ocean and junk food and boardwalk rides. But my daughter cried every time her fat little toddler toes touched the sand and she would creep back to the centerContinue reading “To the Woman Who Met Me on One of My Very Worst Days”
Life After Narcissistic Abuse 