There is No ‘Both Sides’: Sometimes We Have to Be Reminded Why Cutting Ties with Mutual Friends is One of the Necessary Pains of Healing

The poison leaves bit by bit, not all at once.Be patient. You are healing. Yasmin Mogahed It started over a picture of cupcakes. Lined up in cute little rows in front of a birthday sign I made. For x’s birthday party. Well, one of three birthday parties I threw him that year for his 50th.Continue reading “There is No ‘Both Sides’: Sometimes We Have to Be Reminded Why Cutting Ties with Mutual Friends is One of the Necessary Pains of Healing”

To the Woman Who Met Me on One of My Very Worst Days

It was my daughter’s very first time at the beach. It should have been a beautiful day. Looking in from the outside, it was: sunshine and ocean and junk food and boardwalk rides. But my daughter cried every time her fat little toddler toes touched the sand and she would creep back to the centerContinue reading “To the Woman Who Met Me on One of My Very Worst Days”

An Open Letter to the Friends of My Abuser

“As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation” Lundy Bancroft A couple of months after x had moved out, when we were still tryingContinue reading “An Open Letter to the Friends of My Abuser”

Stand Up for Me (& I’ll Stand Beside You)

When you’re in an abusive relationship, you don’t even see the triangulation that’s happening. At least, you don’t see it for what it is. You see something – but not with your eyes. You feel it. You feel the sharp points of each angle. The stabs are there but you spend all kinds of timeContinue reading “Stand Up for Me (& I’ll Stand Beside You)”

The Only Way Through is Out.

Everything is gestation and then birthing. Rainer Maria Rilke I was 41 years, five months and 26 days old when I gave birth to my daughter. When I decided, after two decades of being childless by choice, that I was going to see if I could be with child by choice, I was old enoughContinue reading “The Only Way Through is Out.”

Thank You for Not Ghosting Me

As I weather an uptick in post-separation abuse, I have again started leaning heavily on my closest friends. I thought it was a good time to bring over this post from February, when I was still muddled and clawing my way out of the fog and became so very aware of how lucky I haveContinue reading “Thank You for Not Ghosting Me”

An Open Letter to the Women Who Will Come In and Out of My Daughter’s Life

“I, too, used to want him to be proud of meAnd then I just wanted him to make amendsI wonder what lies he’s telling you about meto make sure that we’ll never be friends” – Fiona Apple, Newspaper Please don’t take it personally when I’m skeptical about how long you’ll be around. There have onlyContinue reading “An Open Letter to the Women Who Will Come In and Out of My Daughter’s Life”