Category Archives: Post-Separation Abuse

Dear Gentle Parenting Groups, Why Are You Silent on Reunification Camps?

I came into parenthood already believing that children were full-fledged humans with the right to be treated with respect and dignity, but I did used to think that my job would involve a lot more molding and forming than I do now. Pretty early on in my parenting journey, I was faced with a tinyContinue reading “Dear Gentle Parenting Groups, Why Are You Silent on Reunification Camps?”

Nobody Puts ‘Trauma Coping Skills’ on Their Baby Shower Gift Registry

Today I had to reply to a message from V’s second grade teacher to explain that shutting down and going nonverbal is a common trauma response and not defiance. Then I started reminiscing about how when I was eight months pregnant, I would rub my belly and daydream about all the coping skills my childContinue reading “Nobody Puts ‘Trauma Coping Skills’ on Their Baby Shower Gift Registry”

What Must Be Mourned ~ One Year Court-Free, Finding Acceptance and Change

Lord forgive me, I’ve been running running blind in truthI’ma rain, I’ma rain on this bitter loveTell the sweet I’m new Beyonce, Freedom No longing for the moonlightNo longing for the sunNo longer will I curse the bad I’ve doneIf there’s a time when the feelings gone, I want to feel it. The Kills, FutureContinue reading “What Must Be Mourned ~ One Year Court-Free, Finding Acceptance and Change”

Mad, Sad and Sick to My Stomach: These Deaths are Preventable So We Need to Stop Letting Children Die

We have a crisis, why is no one listening? Tina Swithin, One Mom’s Battle Last night there was breaking news about three children and an adult being shot and killed in a church in Sacramento before the shooter killed himself. The little bit of info (& every headline) made it clear that these children wereContinue reading “Mad, Sad and Sick to My Stomach: These Deaths are Preventable So We Need to Stop Letting Children Die”

Day 731: It *is* Still Sad, Of Course I Know That.

Three weeks before the second anniversary of what I am now calling Love and Hope Day – my first day intentionally free from abuse in my own home – x no showed to court and my life suddenly became my own and my child was given the gift of an indefinite amount of time toContinue reading “Day 731: It *is* Still Sad, Of Course I Know That.”

An Open Letter to the Friends of My Abuser

“As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation” Lundy Bancroft A couple of months after x had moved out, when we were still tryingContinue reading “An Open Letter to the Friends of My Abuser”

Day 626: Feeling Some Kind of Way Today, Take Two

I’ve been walking around in an invisible plastic bubble since yesterday. Normally, post-court, I feel dizzy for a few hours and have to let the info settle in my head before I feel grounded again. This time: no dizziness. Just this lightness and an odd distance between my body and the rest of the world.Continue reading “Day 626: Feeling Some Kind of Way Today, Take Two”

An Open Letter to My Friends & Family: Just Because You Don’t Get It Doesn’t Mean It’s Not Real.

On a Friday night as I sat at the dinner table with my daughter playing a fun question and answer game, my six year old told me her name should have been Melody. For the first time in months, I felt kicked in the gut. Even though I was sitting still, I felt dizzy. LikeContinue reading “An Open Letter to My Friends & Family: Just Because You Don’t Get It Doesn’t Mean It’s Not Real.”

We Took a Hard Left, But We’re Alright.

Mama, come in here! She was in the bathtub and had been singing along with a song I hadn’t heard before.  Something about a broken home and a cracked foundation. But she had paused it to call to me. I went in the bathroom and sat on the closed toilet as she said, loudly, Alexa-Continue reading “We Took a Hard Left, But We’re Alright.”