Category Archives: Post-Separation Abuse

It Didn’t *Make* Me Stronger (& Saying That It Did Insults the People Who Didn’t Survive)

I’d walk and think about my entire life. I’d find my strength again, far from everything that had made my life ridiculous. Cheryl Strayed I wasn’t weak when I met x and then I left him and became strong. I wasn’t strong when I met x and then weakened by him and then when IContinue reading “It Didn’t *Make* Me Stronger (& Saying That It Did Insults the People Who Didn’t Survive)”

Pretty, But the R is Silent ~ You Can’t Petty Me Anymore

Petty. It’s a word abuse victims have had lobbed at them too many times to count. For years, we hear it from our abuser. Why are you so petty? Are you really going to be that petty and make a big deal about this? Don’t be petty. My ex-wife was always so damn petty –Continue reading “Pretty, But the R is Silent ~ You Can’t Petty Me Anymore”

Dear Gentle Parenting Groups, Why Are You Silent on Reunification Camps?

I came into parenthood already believing that children were full-fledged humans with the right to be treated with respect and dignity, but I did used to think that my job would involve a lot more molding and forming than I do now. Pretty early on in my parenting journey, I was faced with a tinyContinue reading “Dear Gentle Parenting Groups, Why Are You Silent on Reunification Camps?”

Nobody Puts ‘Trauma Coping Skills’ on Their Baby Shower Gift Registry

Today I had to reply to a message from V’s second grade teacher to explain that shutting down and going nonverbal is a common trauma response and not defiance. Then I started reminiscing about how when I was eight months pregnant, I would rub my belly and daydream about all the coping skills my childContinue reading “Nobody Puts ‘Trauma Coping Skills’ on Their Baby Shower Gift Registry”

What Must Be Mourned ~ One Year Court-Free, Finding Acceptance and Change

Lord forgive me, I’ve been running running blind in truthI’ma rain, I’ma rain on this bitter loveTell the sweet I’m new Beyonce, Freedom No longing for the moonlightNo longing for the sunNo longer will I curse the bad I’ve doneIf there’s a time when the feelings gone, I want to feel it. The Kills, FutureContinue reading “What Must Be Mourned ~ One Year Court-Free, Finding Acceptance and Change”

Mad, Sad and Sick to My Stomach: These Deaths are Preventable So We Need to Stop Letting Children Die

We have a crisis, why is no one listening? Tina Swithin, One Mom’s Battle Last night there was breaking news about three children and an adult being shot and killed in a church in Sacramento before the shooter killed himself. The little bit of info (& every headline) made it clear that these children wereContinue reading “Mad, Sad and Sick to My Stomach: These Deaths are Preventable So We Need to Stop Letting Children Die”

Day 731: It *is* Still Sad, Of Course I Know That.

Three weeks before the second anniversary of what I am now calling Love and Hope Day – my first day intentionally free from abuse in my own home – x no showed to court and my life suddenly became my own and my child was given the gift of an indefinite amount of time toContinue reading “Day 731: It *is* Still Sad, Of Course I Know That.”

An Open Letter to the Friends of My Abuser

“As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation” Lundy Bancroft A couple of months after x had moved out, when we were still tryingContinue reading “An Open Letter to the Friends of My Abuser”

Day 626: Feeling Some Kind of Way Today, Take Two

I’ve been walking around in an invisible plastic bubble since yesterday. Normally, post-court, I feel dizzy for a few hours and have to let the info settle in my head before I feel grounded again. This time: no dizziness. Just this lightness and an odd distance between my body and the rest of the world.Continue reading “Day 626: Feeling Some Kind of Way Today, Take Two”