28 Pricks

And then it was Angelina’s turn to dance. Her heart started beating like a drum and she couldn’t remember what she was supposed to be doing. From Angelina and the Princess by Katharine Holabird This is what it’s like to ‘co’parent with a narcissistic parent (this is what it’s like when you’re free): you workContinue reading “28 Pricks”

The Only Way Through is Out.

Everything is gestation and then birthing. Rainer Maria Rilke I was 41 years, five months and 26 days old when I gave birth to my daughter. When I decided, after two decades of being childless by choice, that I was going to see if I could be with child by choice, I was old enoughContinue reading “The Only Way Through is Out.”

She’s Not Guilty, Your Honor

I have a lot of conversations in my head. I guess most people do, but I think those of us newly out of an abusive relationship have more than we ever have had before in our lives. The harshness of the smear campaigns means we have a lot to say and that saying it willContinue reading “She’s Not Guilty, Your Honor”

Not Afraid (but still terrified)

I wasn’t afraid of the bulliesand that just made the bullies worse.                           – Fiona Apple, “Shameika” {As I work through a new post about the newest uptick in intimidation and harassment, I was reminded of this post from 4/28/2020 on my personal blog.Continue reading “Not Afraid (but still terrified)”

One Decade, Three Women

Ten years ago tomorrow, I stood, alone, in the kitchen of a man I thought I loved, after he’d already left for work, and looked around and took one deep, deep breath that I exhaled in several short bursts and said, out loud up toward the ceiling of his tiny, perfect little house: I can’tContinue reading “One Decade, Three Women”

Dissonance (& creating space for harmony).

Mama, can I ask you something? It was less than an hour after she got home from an overnight with x. That means it could be anything. Really: anything. The only sure thing is it would almost certainly involve something untrue about me. Sometimes she doesn’t ask until hours later. Or even a day orContinue reading “Dissonance (& creating space for harmony).”

Digging Graves & Leaving a Life of Lifeboats

A memory came up on social media today from four years ago – from deep in the worst year of my relationship. The year where I dug up so, so many betrayals and yet – still – tried to figure out a way to keep the ship of family afloat. I had a toddler barelyContinue reading “Digging Graves & Leaving a Life of Lifeboats”