Category Archives: Post-Separation Abuse

10th Birthday ~ On Grifts, Gravity and Gratitude.

Nothing could have prepared me for the realization that I was a mother . . . when I knew I was still in a state of uncreation myself. Adrienne Rich Ten years ago today, at a little after 2pm, I was deep in the throes of the last fifteen minutes of labor when I satContinue reading “10th Birthday ~ On Grifts, Gravity and Gratitude.”

Don’t Let the Door Hit You ~ Saying Goodbye to the Home of My Biggest Love and My Greatest Fear.

Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kidsIn fact, it’s cold as hell Elton John, Rocket Man. Song Four, Side One, Honky Château It was one of those May afternoons in California’s Bay Area that feel like what you would dream up for a perfect summer day. A new multi-unit building had justContinue reading “Don’t Let the Door Hit You ~ Saying Goodbye to the Home of My Biggest Love and My Greatest Fear.”

Two Years Later: Freedom’s Just Another Word for Everything Left to Lose

I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then. Bob Seger, Against the Wind On August 26th, two years ago, my daughter started first grade – her first onsite school year – and I had to report for virtual court to see if x had done any of the things the judge hadContinue reading “Two Years Later: Freedom’s Just Another Word for Everything Left to Lose”

Dark Days, Darker Nights

Let me love the world like a mother.Let me be tender when it lets me down. Maggie Smith / from the poem “Rain, New Year’s Eve”. Last weekend, Mother’s Day weekend, a Utah mother got the news we’ve all lived in fear of (but probably haven’t voiced out loud to more than our closest friends).Continue reading “Dark Days, Darker Nights”

‘She’ll Just Go Back to Him’ ~ Desperation, Safety, & Survival Calculations

This is not how your story ends. It’s simply where it takes a turn you didn’t expect. Cheryl Strayed Today I read a post, in one of the private groups I’m in, by a member who posted anonymously about being in the situation with the abusive ex of trying to reconcile, while already in courtContinue reading “‘She’ll Just Go Back to Him’ ~ Desperation, Safety, & Survival Calculations”

It Didn’t *Make* Me Stronger (& Saying That It Did Insults the People Who Didn’t Survive)

I’d walk and think about my entire life. I’d find my strength again, far from everything that had made my life ridiculous. Cheryl Strayed I wasn’t weak when I met x and then I left him and became strong. I wasn’t strong when I met x and then weakened by him and then when IContinue reading “It Didn’t *Make* Me Stronger (& Saying That It Did Insults the People Who Didn’t Survive)”

Pretty, But the R is Silent ~ You Can’t Petty Me Anymore

Petty. It’s a word abuse victims have had lobbed at them too many times to count. For years, we hear it from our abuser. Why are you so petty? Are you really going to be that petty and make a big deal about this? Don’t be petty. My ex-wife was always so damn petty –Continue reading “Pretty, But the R is Silent ~ You Can’t Petty Me Anymore”

Dear Gentle Parenting Groups, Why Are You Silent on Reunification Camps?

I came into parenthood already believing that children were full-fledged humans with the right to be treated with respect and dignity, but I did used to think that my job would involve a lot more molding and forming than I do now. Pretty early on in my parenting journey, I was faced with a tinyContinue reading “Dear Gentle Parenting Groups, Why Are You Silent on Reunification Camps?”

Nobody Puts ‘Trauma Coping Skills’ on Their Baby Shower Gift Registry

Today I had to reply to a message from V’s second grade teacher to explain that shutting down and going nonverbal is a common trauma response and not defiance. Then I started reminiscing about how when I was eight months pregnant, I would rub my belly and daydream about all the coping skills my childContinue reading “Nobody Puts ‘Trauma Coping Skills’ on Their Baby Shower Gift Registry”