UnGastheLight

Not Afraid (but still terrified)

I wasn’t afraid of the bulliesand that just made the bullies worse. – Fiona Apple, “Shameika” {As I work through a new post about the newest uptick in intimidation and harassment, I was reminded of this post from 4/28/2020 on my personal blog.Continue reading “Not Afraid (but still terrified)”

One Decade, Three Women

Ten years ago tomorrow, I stood, alone, in the kitchen of a man I thought I loved, after he’d already left for work, and looked around and took one deep, deep breath that I exhaled in several short bursts and said, out loud up toward the ceiling of his tiny, perfect little house: I can’tContinue reading “One Decade, Three Women”

Dissonance (& creating space for harmony).

Mama, can I ask you something? It was less than an hour after she got home from an overnight with x. That means it could be anything. Really: anything. The only sure thing is it would almost certainly involve something untrue about me. Sometimes she doesn’t ask until hours later. Or even a day orContinue reading “Dissonance (& creating space for harmony).”

Gratitude

A few days after Thanksgiving last year, I sat in my car, rain pounding on the windshield and my four year old daughter in the backseat, holding my phone to my ear as I explained to a police officer over the phone why the complaint that x was filing at the precinct right then wasContinue reading “Gratitude”

Obviously Contentious

The pounding on the door had been going on pretty much nonstop for more than twenty minutes. So hard that a painting in the stairwell had gone crooked. My daughter was covering her ears and asking when it would stop. She asked who it was. I didn’t know, in those long long moments, if tellingContinue reading “Obviously Contentious”

Digging Graves & Leaving a Life of Lifeboats

A memory came up on social media today from four years ago – from deep in the worst year of my relationship. The year where I dug up so, so many betrayals and yet – still – tried to figure out a way to keep the ship of family afloat. I had a toddler barelyContinue reading “Digging Graves & Leaving a Life of Lifeboats”

Thank You for Not Ghosting Me

As I weather an uptick in post-separation abuse, I have again started leaning heavily on my closest friends. I thought it was a good time to bring over this post from February, when I was still muddled and clawing my way out of the fog and became so very aware of how lucky I haveContinue reading “Thank You for Not Ghosting Me”

Slandered & Shell-Shocked: Silence is the Double Edged Sword

(This post is another from my personal blog from pre-COVID times – approximately six months out from the end.) …after my dreaded beheading I tied that sucker back on with a string and I guess I’m pretty different now, considering… Manhole by Ani Difranco Today I went for an early(ish) morning walk with my daughterContinue reading “Slandered & Shell-Shocked: Silence is the Double Edged Sword”

Sharing the Sadness

Sometimes something happens that you know you need to share with friends or family or anyone who can help you let go of the worst of it. Help you figure out how not to be paralyzed by it. And sometimes those same things make you want to shut your mouth for a long time. BecauseContinue reading “Sharing the Sadness”

Day 366

On Day One, I swung myself out of bed around 5am after not sleeping at all. My eyes were puffy and sore and I had cried, on and off, all night. I knew I had the task of telling my child that Daddy wouldn’t be in our house at all anymore. I knew I hadContinue reading “Day 366”