There have been so many hoops in the process. Decide to be done. Not give in to the promises to focus on his family when I’ve heard it so many times. Try to amicably agree on custody. Lawyer up after threats and attempts to bully me into submission. Get through court. Get through the secondContinue reading “Vigilance as Meditation”
Author Archives: UnGastheLight
Feeling Some Kind of Way Today
I’m really feeling some kind of way today so I am ready to say too much on social media. To share too much. To rail at the sky with the unfairness of it all. To take out an ad in a local newspaper or hire a sky-writer to do a little large-scale truth-telling. To railContinue reading “Feeling Some Kind of Way Today”
What Must Divide
Court is over. For now. I still need to file a child support motion so I know I’ll be back sooner than later. But tonight, I’m three days out from finally being done with the bullshit neglect charges that have resulted in him getting almost nothing that he filed for but gave me decision makingContinue reading “What Must Divide”
I Have Me
Two nights before what I hope will be my last court date for a good, long while, I was up from midnight to 3:00am. My eyes stung and watered but I couldn’t sleep. I gave up an hour in and started watching a cheesy TV show I’ve been binging (my tastes always going far moreContinue reading “I Have Me”
Father’s Day
I have had lots of rough Mother’s Days over a couple of eras of my life, but despite being raised by a step-father (the man I now call Dad) and not having any real contact with my biological father past age eleven, I can’t remember ever having any particularly sad or tough Father’s Days. UntilContinue reading “Father’s Day”
Just Call Me Snowflake
Tonight I crawled into my daughter’s bed to hear her breathing and stare at her face and remember why it is that I had to go through what I went through – why I have to go through what I still go through. For her. I wouldn’t have this exact human unless I fell intoContinue reading “Just Call Me Snowflake”
An Open Letter to the Women Who Will Come In and Out of My Daughter’s Life
“I, too, used to want him to be proud of meAnd then I just wanted him to make amendsI wonder what lies he’s telling you about meto make sure that we’ll never be friends” – Fiona Apple, Newspaper Please don’t take it personally when I’m skeptical about how long you’ll be around. There have onlyContinue reading “An Open Letter to the Women Who Will Come In and Out of My Daughter’s Life”
You Think I Might Be Exaggerating, I Know You Do
Women (people) in my position know that you don’t really get it. That you’re suspect (rightfully so, really). We know that you think that we’re, at least a little, over-reacting or exaggerating. We’re not. We really wish we were. My daughter, five, came home tonight and ran in the bathroom saying, let me show youContinue reading “You Think I Might Be Exaggerating, I Know You Do”
250 Days
“And I don’t really want your sympathyI’m just telling you so you’ll understandThis is me, sincerelydoing the best that I can.” – Ani Difranco, Allergic to Water June 1st. 250 days since I said enough and meant it. It’s also Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. I’m still here. So much better off than I expected toContinue reading “250 Days”
Turn It Upside Down
As I sat down to write this post, that’s been percolating in my head for a few days, the first first sentence I thought of was: It’s been a week. But I’m pretty sure that I’ve thought that every week for a long time. I survived my virtual court hearing and while I didn’t getContinue reading “Turn It Upside Down”
